I am thankful for: “going for the gasp”

by Sarah November 17, 2011

(top left: Liz Kalloch, Denice Barlow Brown, Marisa Anne; bottom: Jen Hayashi and me)

it’s funny isn’t it – for sarah

how sometimes

the spider cannot see

the web she has spun

until the morning light

comes and illuminates

all the drops of dew

clinging to the pattern

she’s dreamed, the pattern

that needs no words

to tell her story, only

the rising of

her sun,

the palpable result of

a dream, and:

a moment, only hers,

to pause, to breathe,

to listen to it

singing.

Poem by Silvi (the poetry store poet-10.6.11 for me)

It has been almost 2 months since our Create Explore Discover Art Retreat and I have been going around thinking about a feeling that I had throughout the weekend and have had trouble defining it to myself and to others. The feeling I finally defined in a “light bulb moment” during a course I am taking with Tara Mohr. I don’t know if I can explain it it to you but I will try.

At the retreat, I sat with Silvi and tried to define what I was feeling about my experience of bringing a group of women together to explore and create. A retreat is more than just a time to get away to create, it is an opening of your soul which can be very scary and exciting at the same time. For me, I had never been to an art retreat before but I felt I certainly could plan one….no question there, its what I do – plan things and bring people together – my friend Rebecca called me a visionary (wow huge word for me). I really had no idea what I was about to encounter spiritually, mentally and physically.

The concept of “the gasp” is something I am thankful for and hope to achieve over and over again as I move forward in my life. The gasp is related to fear but not in a bad way. It is something that overcomes us when we are in the “presence of something sacred” (i.e. beautiful women, amazing friends, creative geniuses) At the beginning of the weekend, I felt I could not breathe but was able to continue along on my path with pure excitement and joy. I had a smile on my face that wouldn’t go away but at the same time I felt sick to my stomach (all these people here because of an idea I had-what if they don’t like their experience?)

Once we arrived at the hotel, I began to relax..You know what happens to me when I relax? I get a headache and feel like I am going to throw up….My body shook and I felt exhausted. I actually excused myself from dinner the first night…I was overwhelmed with excitement, happiness, fear and an incredible trembly feeling (sacred ground as Tara described it today) I slept for 12 hours straight and awoke the next morning to a renewed sense of peace. My stomach was still a little off but I could make it through the day.

My friends arrived for the retreat and I felt that tremble again but this time I let it come to me and took all my surroundings in….a “heightened sensitivity” as Tara termed it. I felt safer – of course my friends were gathering and they all trusted me, that’s why they were there. No need to worry right? I did anyway. I wanted it to be perfect and for everyone to have that same incredible experience that I myself was feeling.

The retreat ended with lots of smiles and happy thoughts. The instructors wrote incredible posts on their blogs about the event. My friends that attended had an incredible glow about them for weeks and I have sat here for the last 8 weeks trying to figure out this feeling.

Today I have and I have made a pact with myself to feel it again and again. My business is going through some pretty big changes right now with the retreat being the first in many endeavours that I will be sharing with you. I hope you will come along for the journey…

Thanks to Denice, Liz, and especially Marisa (for encouraging me to go for it) I could not have created this event without you. Thank you also to my friends that had faith in me and attended this inaugural weekend. I know how difficult it was to get away and take time for yourselves. Special thanks to Kathleen for being my cheerleader and incredible friend from the beginning (the 5% lives strong in our souls) and a special thanks to Tara Mohr for giving me this light bulb moment today….it all makes sense now and Silvi’s poem even more so…

So….today I am thankful for: going for the gasp and all the crazy emotional, spiritual and physical things that go along with it…..

Rather than share what I am doing with business this month, I would like to share what I am thankful for each day. It is a simple exercise that I hope you will join me in. Some days, I will write a little story, some days it may just be a photo with what I am thankful for. None the less, I am slowing down and treasuring these moments in my daily life.

If you would like to join in….just add your link by clicking on the link button below and enjoy a slower pace of life and many, many thankful moments….






Sarah
Sarah

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